Again, reading in "The Pursuit of Holiness"......
"....On numerous occasions the Scriptures testify that Jesus during his time on earth lived a perfectly holy life. He is described as "without sin" (Hebrews 4:15); as One who "committed no sin" (1 Peter 2:22); and as Him who had no sin" (2 Corinthians 5:21). The Apostle John stated, "In Him is no sin" (1 John 3:5). The OT describes Him prophetically as "the Righteous One" (Isaiah 53:11), and the One who "loved righteousness and hated wickedness" (Psalm 45:7). ....
....Even more compelling, however, is Jesus' own testimony concerning Himself. On one occasion He looked the Pharisees squarely in the eye and asked, "Can any of you prove Me guilty of sin?" (John 8:46). As someone has observed, it was not their failure to answer His question that is so significant, but the fact He dared to ask it. Here was Jesus in direct confrontation with people who hated Him. He had just told them they were of their father the devil, and that they wanted to carry out his desires. Surely if any people had a reason to point out to Him some careless act of His or some flaw of His character, they would. Furthermore, Jesus asked this questions in the presence of His disciples, who lived with Him contniuously and had ample opportunity to observe any inconsistencies. Yet Jesus dared to ask the question because He knew there was only one answer. He was without sin. But the holiness fo Jesus was more than simply the absence of actual sin. It was also a perfect conformity to the will of His Father. He stated that He came down from heaven "not to do My own will, but to do the will of Him who sent Me" (john 6:38). On another occasion, He said, "My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me" (John 4:34). Perhaps His highest testimony to His positive honiness was His statement, "I always do what pleases Him" (John 8:29).
Such a positive declaration must include not only His actions but also His attitudes and motives. It is possible for us to do the right action from a wrong motive, but this does not please God. Holiness has to do with more than mere acts. Our motives must be holy, that is, arising from a desire to do something simply because it is the will of God. Our thoughts should be holy, since they are known to God even before they are formed in our minds. Jesus Christ perfectly met these standards, and He did it for us. He was born into this world subject to the law of God that He might fulfill it on our behalf (Galatians 4:4-5).
Whenever we seriously contemplate the holiness fo God, our natural reaction is to say with Isaiah, "Woe is me, for I am ruined~ Because I am a man of unclean lips, and I live amoung a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts" (Isaiah 6:5).
A serious view of the holiness of God - His own moral perfection and infinite hatred of sin - will leave us, as it did Isaiah, seeing with utter dismay our own lack of holiness. His moral purity serves to magnify our impurity.
Therefore, it is important that we receive the same assurance that Isaiah received: "Behold....your iniquity is taken away, and your sin is forgiven" (Isaiah 6:7). It is not only at the initial point of salvation that we need this assurance. In fact, the more we grow in holiness, the more we need assurance that the perfect righteousness of Christ is credited to us. This is true because a part of growing in holiness is the Holy Spirit's making us aware of our need of holiness. As we see this need, it is well for us to always keep in mind the righteousness of Jesus Christ on our behalf, and the fact that "God made Him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God" (2 Corinthians 5:21).
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
4am
For awhile, I was doing so well.....I was getting at least 7-8 hours sleep.....I knew it was too good to be true!
I'm up early again this morning....I tried to fight it, stay in bed and "will" myself back to sleep....but the stresses in my life and my endless to do list would not allow it....UGHHH! So, i quit fighting, told myself I would make time for a power nap later and crawled out of bed. My brain is busy already and I cant' even find the beginning of what I need to do.....so I thought I would start here. I have wanted to blog for quite a while now and could not seem to find the time.....and to be honest, I haven't been in the "sharing" mood lately......I'm still not. Going through my "hermit" days again, feel like retreating into my shell....it's so stinking easy to do!
But instead of focusing on retreating to my own 'shelter', I thought I would try and bring it back to where my focus should be....on Christ and the shelter HE offers.....it's such a sweeter place of refuge!
"For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy."
Psalm 61:3
"And of Benjamin he said, The beloved of the Lord shall dwell in safety by him; and the Lord shall cover him all the day long, and he shall dwell between his shoulders"
Deuteronomy 33:12
"The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms; and he shall thrust out the enemy from before thee, and shall say, Destroy them."
Deuteronomy 33:27
"That by two immutable things, in which it was impossible for God to lie, we might have a strong consolation, who have fled for refuge to lay hold upon the hope set before us,"
Hebrews 6:18
He can't lie....the refuge He offers is a place of perfect truth, safe from the lies Satan tries to bring us down with....safe from the lies we tell ourselves, even
"The Lord also will be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble"
Psalm 9:9
"Thou are my hiding place; thou shalt preserve me from trouble; thou shalt compass me about with songs of deliverance. Selah"
Psalm 32:7
One of my favorites....not only does he protect me, but He comforts me with sweet songs....how often am I really quiet enough in my times of trouble, fear, stress, to really be able to hear those sweet songs of comfort?
"I will say of my Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress, my God; in him will I trust"
Psalm 91:2
sometimes I need to verbally say it!
"The God of my rock; in him will I trust: he is my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my high tower, and my refuge, my savior; thou savest me from violence"
2 Samuel 22:2
"Trust in him at all times, ye people; pour out your heart before him. God is a refuge for us. Selah"
Psalm 62:8
Thank you God, for PROMISING to be that refuge for me....that safe place. Help me to run to your first, even forgetting about the weak, unsteady shelters I have built for myself and often run to....You are my true sanctuary.
I'm up early again this morning....I tried to fight it, stay in bed and "will" myself back to sleep....but the stresses in my life and my endless to do list would not allow it....UGHHH! So, i quit fighting, told myself I would make time for a power nap later and crawled out of bed. My brain is busy already and I cant' even find the beginning of what I need to do.....so I thought I would start here. I have wanted to blog for quite a while now and could not seem to find the time.....and to be honest, I haven't been in the "sharing" mood lately......I'm still not. Going through my "hermit" days again, feel like retreating into my shell....it's so stinking easy to do!
But instead of focusing on retreating to my own 'shelter', I thought I would try and bring it back to where my focus should be....on Christ and the shelter HE offers.....it's such a sweeter place of refuge!
"For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy."
Psalm 61:3
"And of Benjamin he said, The beloved of the Lord shall dwell in safety by him; and the Lord shall cover him all the day long, and he shall dwell between his shoulders"
Deuteronomy 33:12
"The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms; and he shall thrust out the enemy from before thee, and shall say, Destroy them."
Deuteronomy 33:27
"That by two immutable things, in which it was impossible for God to lie, we might have a strong consolation, who have fled for refuge to lay hold upon the hope set before us,"
Hebrews 6:18
He can't lie....the refuge He offers is a place of perfect truth, safe from the lies Satan tries to bring us down with....safe from the lies we tell ourselves, even
"The Lord also will be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble"
Psalm 9:9
"Thou are my hiding place; thou shalt preserve me from trouble; thou shalt compass me about with songs of deliverance. Selah"
Psalm 32:7
One of my favorites....not only does he protect me, but He comforts me with sweet songs....how often am I really quiet enough in my times of trouble, fear, stress, to really be able to hear those sweet songs of comfort?
"I will say of my Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress, my God; in him will I trust"
Psalm 91:2
sometimes I need to verbally say it!
"The God of my rock; in him will I trust: he is my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my high tower, and my refuge, my savior; thou savest me from violence"
2 Samuel 22:2
"Trust in him at all times, ye people; pour out your heart before him. God is a refuge for us. Selah"
Psalm 62:8
Thank you God, for PROMISING to be that refuge for me....that safe place. Help me to run to your first, even forgetting about the weak, unsteady shelters I have built for myself and often run to....You are my true sanctuary.
Monday, February 18, 2008
My 9th post
I was somewhat inspired by a friend's blog.....celebrating her 100th post, she listed 100 things about herself. I thought that was a very cool idea, but figured I better go ahead and do mine now because 9 sounded like a safer number!
Plus, i don't have 100 interesting facts about myself!!
1. I played the clarinet for about 15 years
2. I hate mayonnaise
3. I have a part time photography business
4. I can speak "some" Navajo
5. I wish I would blog more
6. My parents divorced when I was in the 6th grade?
7. I went to college (my first year) on a drama scholarship
8. I entered a talent show (in 5th grade) and danced with my friend Melanie to the song "Thriller"
9. My favorite hymn is "It is Well with My Soul"
There, that should do it......to my sweet audience of one, and anyone else who stumbles across this blog.....enjoy!! :)
Plus, i don't have 100 interesting facts about myself!!
1. I played the clarinet for about 15 years
2. I hate mayonnaise
3. I have a part time photography business
4. I can speak "some" Navajo
5. I wish I would blog more
6. My parents divorced when I was in the 6th grade?
7. I went to college (my first year) on a drama scholarship
8. I entered a talent show (in 5th grade) and danced with my friend Melanie to the song "Thriller"
9. My favorite hymn is "It is Well with My Soul"
There, that should do it......to my sweet audience of one, and anyone else who stumbles across this blog.....enjoy!! :)
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Holiness
taken from THE PURSUIT OF HOLINESS, By Jerry Bridges......
.....The concept of holiness may seem a bit archaic to our current generation. To some minds the very word holiness brings images of bunned hair, long skirts, and black stockings. To others the idea is associated with a repungnant "holier than thou" attitude. Yet holiness is very much a scriptural idea. The word holy in various forms occurs more than 600 times in the Bible. One entire book, Leviticus, is devoted to the subject, and the idea of holiness is woven elsewhere throughout the fabric of Scripture. More important, God specifically commands us to be holy (Let 11:44).
The idea of exactly how to be holy has suffered from many false concepts. In some circles, holiness is equated with a series of specific prohibitions - usually in such areas as smoking, drinking, and dancing. The list of prohibitions varies depending on the group. When we follow this approach to holiness, we are in danger of becoming like the Pharisees with their endless lists of trivial do's and don'ts, and their self righteous attitude. For others, holiness means a particular style of dress and mannerisms. And for still others, it means unattainable perfection, an idea that fosters either delusion or discouragement about one's sins.
All of these ideas, while accurate to some degree, miss the true concept. To be holy is to be morally blameless. It is to be separated from sin and, therefore, consecrated to God. The word signifies "separation to God, and the conduct befitting those so separated."
Perhaps the best way of understanding the concept of holiness is to note how writers of the NT used the word. In 1 Thess 4:3-7, Paul used the term in contrast to a life of immorality and impurity. Peter used it in contrast to living according to the evil desires we had when we lived outside of Christ (1 peter 1:14-16). John contrasted one who is holy with those who do wrong and are vile (Rev 22:11). To live a holy life, then, is to live a life in conformity to the moral precepts of the Bible and in contrast to the sinful ways of the world. It is to live a life characterized by the "[putting] off of your old self, and [putting] on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness" (Eph 4:22,24).
If holiness, then, is so basic to the Christian life, why do we not experience it more in daily living? Why do so many Christians feel constantly defeated in their struggle with sin? Why does the church so often seem to be more conformed to the world around it than to God?
Our first problem is that our attitude toward sin is more self-centered than God centered. We are more concerned about our own "victory" over sin than we are about the fact that our sins grieve the heart of God. We cannot tolerate failure in our struggle with sin chiefly because we are success-oriented, not because we know it is offensive to God.
W.S. Plumer said, "We never see sin aright until we see it as against God....All sin is against God in this sense: that it is His law that is broken, His authority that is despised, His government that is set at naught...Pharaoh, Balaam, Saul and Judas each said, 'I have sinned'; but the returning prodigal said, 'I have sinned against heaven and before thee'; and David said, 'Against Thee, Thee only have I sinned.'"
God wants us to walk in obedience - not victory. Obedience is oriented toward God; victory is oriented toward self. this may seem to be merely splitting hairs over semantics, but there is a subtle, self-centered attitude at the root of many of our difficulties with sin. Until we face this attitude and deal with it we will not consistently walk in holiness.
This is not to say God doesn't want us to experience victory, but rather to emphasize that victory is a by-product of obedience. As we concentrate on living an obedient, holy life, we will certainly experience the joy of victory over sin.
Our second problem is that we have misunderstood "living by faith" (Gal 2:20) to mean that no effort at holiness is required on our part. In fact, sometimes we have even suggested that any effort on our part is "of the flesh".
The words of J.C. Ryle, Bishop of Liverpool from 1880 to 1900, says....."That faith in Christ is the root of all holiness.....no well-instructed Christian will ever think of denying. But surely the Scriptures teach us that in following holiness the true Christian needs personal exertion and work as well as faith."
We mush face the fact that we have a personal responsibility for our walk of holiness. One Sunday our pastor in his sermon said words to this effect: "You can put away that habit that has mastered you if you truly desire to do so." Because he was referring to a particular habit which was no problem to me, I quickly agreed with him in my mind. But then the Holy Spirit said to me, "And you can put away the sinful habits that plague you if you will accept your personal responsibility for them." Acknowledging that I did have this responsibility turned out to be a milestone for me in my own pursuit of holiness.
Our third problem is that we do not take some sin seriously. We have mentally categorized sins into that which is unacceptable and that which may be tolerated a bit. An incident that occurred just as this book was nearing completion illustrates this problem. Our office was using a mobile home as temporary office space, pending the delayed completion of new facilities. Because our property is not zoned for mobile homes, we were required to obtain a variance permit to occupy the trailer. The permit had to be renewed several times. The last permit renewal expired just as the new facilities were completed, but before we had time to move out. This precipitated a crisis for the department using the trailer.
At a meeting where the problem was discussed, the the question was asked, "What difference would it make if we didnt' move that department for a few days?" Well, what difference would it make? After all,the trailer was tucked in behind some hills where no one would see it. And legally we didnt' have to move the trailer; just vacate it. So what difference would it make if we overstayed our permit a few days? Isn't insistence on obeying the letter of the law nit-picking legalism?
But the Scripture says it is "the little foxes that spoil the vines" (Song of Solomon 2:15). it is compromise on the little issues that leads to greater downfalls. And who is to say that a little ignoring of civil law is not a serious sin in the sight of God?
In commenting on some of the more minute OT dietary laws God gave to the children of Israel, Andrew Bonar said, "It is not the importance of the thing, but the majesty of the Lawgiver, that is to be the standard of obedience......Some, indeed, might reckon such minute and arbitrary rules as these as trifling. But the principle involved in obedience or disobedience was none other than the same principle which was tried in Eden at the foot of the forbidden tree. It is really this: Is the Lord to be obeyed in all things whatsoever He commands? Is He a holy Lawgiver? Are His creatures bound to give implicit assent to His will?"
Are we willing to call sin 'sin' not because it is big or little, but because God's law forbids it? We cannot categorize sin if we are to live a life of holiness. God will not let us get away with that kind of attitude.
1. Will I look at sin as an offense against a holy God, instead of as a personal defeat only?
2. Will I begin to take personal responsibility for your sin, realizing that as I do, I must depend on the grace of God?
3. Will I decide to obey god in all areas of life, however insignificant the issre may be?
The holiness of God...This is where holiness begins - not with ourselves, but with God. It is only as we see His holiness, His absolute purity and moral hatred of sin, that we will be gripped by the awfulness of sin against the Holy God. to be gripped by that fact is the first step in our pursuit of holiness.
.....The concept of holiness may seem a bit archaic to our current generation. To some minds the very word holiness brings images of bunned hair, long skirts, and black stockings. To others the idea is associated with a repungnant "holier than thou" attitude. Yet holiness is very much a scriptural idea. The word holy in various forms occurs more than 600 times in the Bible. One entire book, Leviticus, is devoted to the subject, and the idea of holiness is woven elsewhere throughout the fabric of Scripture. More important, God specifically commands us to be holy (Let 11:44).
The idea of exactly how to be holy has suffered from many false concepts. In some circles, holiness is equated with a series of specific prohibitions - usually in such areas as smoking, drinking, and dancing. The list of prohibitions varies depending on the group. When we follow this approach to holiness, we are in danger of becoming like the Pharisees with their endless lists of trivial do's and don'ts, and their self righteous attitude. For others, holiness means a particular style of dress and mannerisms. And for still others, it means unattainable perfection, an idea that fosters either delusion or discouragement about one's sins.
All of these ideas, while accurate to some degree, miss the true concept. To be holy is to be morally blameless. It is to be separated from sin and, therefore, consecrated to God. The word signifies "separation to God, and the conduct befitting those so separated."
Perhaps the best way of understanding the concept of holiness is to note how writers of the NT used the word. In 1 Thess 4:3-7, Paul used the term in contrast to a life of immorality and impurity. Peter used it in contrast to living according to the evil desires we had when we lived outside of Christ (1 peter 1:14-16). John contrasted one who is holy with those who do wrong and are vile (Rev 22:11). To live a holy life, then, is to live a life in conformity to the moral precepts of the Bible and in contrast to the sinful ways of the world. It is to live a life characterized by the "[putting] off of your old self, and [putting] on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness" (Eph 4:22,24).
If holiness, then, is so basic to the Christian life, why do we not experience it more in daily living? Why do so many Christians feel constantly defeated in their struggle with sin? Why does the church so often seem to be more conformed to the world around it than to God?
Our first problem is that our attitude toward sin is more self-centered than God centered. We are more concerned about our own "victory" over sin than we are about the fact that our sins grieve the heart of God. We cannot tolerate failure in our struggle with sin chiefly because we are success-oriented, not because we know it is offensive to God.
W.S. Plumer said, "We never see sin aright until we see it as against God....All sin is against God in this sense: that it is His law that is broken, His authority that is despised, His government that is set at naught...Pharaoh, Balaam, Saul and Judas each said, 'I have sinned'; but the returning prodigal said, 'I have sinned against heaven and before thee'; and David said, 'Against Thee, Thee only have I sinned.'"
God wants us to walk in obedience - not victory. Obedience is oriented toward God; victory is oriented toward self. this may seem to be merely splitting hairs over semantics, but there is a subtle, self-centered attitude at the root of many of our difficulties with sin. Until we face this attitude and deal with it we will not consistently walk in holiness.
This is not to say God doesn't want us to experience victory, but rather to emphasize that victory is a by-product of obedience. As we concentrate on living an obedient, holy life, we will certainly experience the joy of victory over sin.
Our second problem is that we have misunderstood "living by faith" (Gal 2:20) to mean that no effort at holiness is required on our part. In fact, sometimes we have even suggested that any effort on our part is "of the flesh".
The words of J.C. Ryle, Bishop of Liverpool from 1880 to 1900, says....."That faith in Christ is the root of all holiness.....no well-instructed Christian will ever think of denying. But surely the Scriptures teach us that in following holiness the true Christian needs personal exertion and work as well as faith."
We mush face the fact that we have a personal responsibility for our walk of holiness. One Sunday our pastor in his sermon said words to this effect: "You can put away that habit that has mastered you if you truly desire to do so." Because he was referring to a particular habit which was no problem to me, I quickly agreed with him in my mind. But then the Holy Spirit said to me, "And you can put away the sinful habits that plague you if you will accept your personal responsibility for them." Acknowledging that I did have this responsibility turned out to be a milestone for me in my own pursuit of holiness.
Our third problem is that we do not take some sin seriously. We have mentally categorized sins into that which is unacceptable and that which may be tolerated a bit. An incident that occurred just as this book was nearing completion illustrates this problem. Our office was using a mobile home as temporary office space, pending the delayed completion of new facilities. Because our property is not zoned for mobile homes, we were required to obtain a variance permit to occupy the trailer. The permit had to be renewed several times. The last permit renewal expired just as the new facilities were completed, but before we had time to move out. This precipitated a crisis for the department using the trailer.
At a meeting where the problem was discussed, the the question was asked, "What difference would it make if we didnt' move that department for a few days?" Well, what difference would it make? After all,the trailer was tucked in behind some hills where no one would see it. And legally we didnt' have to move the trailer; just vacate it. So what difference would it make if we overstayed our permit a few days? Isn't insistence on obeying the letter of the law nit-picking legalism?
But the Scripture says it is "the little foxes that spoil the vines" (Song of Solomon 2:15). it is compromise on the little issues that leads to greater downfalls. And who is to say that a little ignoring of civil law is not a serious sin in the sight of God?
In commenting on some of the more minute OT dietary laws God gave to the children of Israel, Andrew Bonar said, "It is not the importance of the thing, but the majesty of the Lawgiver, that is to be the standard of obedience......Some, indeed, might reckon such minute and arbitrary rules as these as trifling. But the principle involved in obedience or disobedience was none other than the same principle which was tried in Eden at the foot of the forbidden tree. It is really this: Is the Lord to be obeyed in all things whatsoever He commands? Is He a holy Lawgiver? Are His creatures bound to give implicit assent to His will?"
Are we willing to call sin 'sin' not because it is big or little, but because God's law forbids it? We cannot categorize sin if we are to live a life of holiness. God will not let us get away with that kind of attitude.
1. Will I look at sin as an offense against a holy God, instead of as a personal defeat only?
2. Will I begin to take personal responsibility for your sin, realizing that as I do, I must depend on the grace of God?
3. Will I decide to obey god in all areas of life, however insignificant the issre may be?
The holiness of God...This is where holiness begins - not with ourselves, but with God. It is only as we see His holiness, His absolute purity and moral hatred of sin, that we will be gripped by the awfulness of sin against the Holy God. to be gripped by that fact is the first step in our pursuit of holiness.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Phase Two of my 5K journey!
Well, as my goals are laid out for me, in Feb., I am supposed to start to work on the 2nd mile in my quest to reach the 3 mile mark.....so, although today is the 6th day of the month, it's the first time I have run this month....sad but true! BUT it was a good start......I ran my first mile with little problem and then walked 2 laps, then ran almost 1/2 of my second mile. It doesn't always sound pretty, as I gasp for breath, but at least I made it! It is no simple task to haul this 190+ body around a track that many times!!!
SO, I am pleased with the progress....only wish I could explain this continual weight gain I am experiencing.....I've gained almost 6 pounds in the last 2 weeks!!! It is quite discouraging....and I know muscle weighs more than fat, but all I know is I look fatter and my jeans aren't fun to wear anymore!!! I really love my pj pants mostly!!!
I have fallen behind in the area of swimming, some because our classes have been cancelled lately, but also because I have not felt well lately......I think it will pass, and I have hopes of being back in the pool soon.....maybe even tomorrow!!!
Pray for my endurance and strength!!! I'll keep you posted....
SO, I am pleased with the progress....only wish I could explain this continual weight gain I am experiencing.....I've gained almost 6 pounds in the last 2 weeks!!! It is quite discouraging....and I know muscle weighs more than fat, but all I know is I look fatter and my jeans aren't fun to wear anymore!!! I really love my pj pants mostly!!!
I have fallen behind in the area of swimming, some because our classes have been cancelled lately, but also because I have not felt well lately......I think it will pass, and I have hopes of being back in the pool soon.....maybe even tomorrow!!!
Pray for my endurance and strength!!! I'll keep you posted....
Monday, February 4, 2008
A Mother's Worried Heart
I am the mother of three children.....most of the time I am pleased with them, their outlook on life, their relationships, etc. I believe all mom's have their moments of complete frustration and discouragement....hopefully, they are brief and far and few between! That's the case in my life as a mom so far.....mostly proud Mommy moments, with just a few moments of discouragement. But this past Sunday, I had the first REALLY "fearfully discouraging" moment as a Mom....I wasn't discouraged simply because my child forgot to take his shoes off after coming in from a rainy, muddy trek through the yard....or because one of them turned their nose up at the dinner i slaved over....it wasn't even discouraging because I heard that they were disrespectful to another adult (one of my biggest buttons they can push!!). No, this was different.....
Over the past couple of months, my family and I have been going to a nursing home on an occasional Sunday to help out with a church service. My kids have had the opportunity to minister through music, Scripture and even something as simple as a hug. It's been a neat thing for us to do as a family. Well, this past Sunday, my oldest child (she is 8) said she didn't want to go. At first I tried to ignore her and hurried her into the van....but then as we traveled to the nursing home, I started to realize, she REALLY didn't want to do it....she was pouting because her lazy Sunday afternoon of tv watching had been interrupted and she had to go with us. My first instinct was to tell her to suck it up, put a smile on her face and start singing! That's pretty much the way I deal with every other piece of rebellion I face. But I decided to hold my tongue for a moment and get my thoughts together. So after a few minutes of quiet, I told her she didn't have to participate....she could find a seat over in the corner and just sit and wait for us to finish. And to that option, she simply said, "ok". That tiny response both angered me and devestated me.....I was angry because she was being defiant (to a point), and it devestated me because it was the first time really, that she had ever been so openly selfish. Of course, she has had her moments of self-centeredness......when she didn't want to share her latest candy score, or the "stage" she went through where she kept all her Littlest Pet Shop characters in a ziploc bag in her sock drawer because she didn't want her siblings to play with them......but really, overall, she is a pretty generous kid and has a fairly giving attitude. But not on that Sunday.....she had made a definite decision that it was all about her that day and she was not interested in hearing a sermon on ministering to those in need. So, we decided she would sit off to the side, be an observer and then we would all go home afterwards. As we walked into the home and I quietly chose a chair for her to slip into, I couldn't help but feel a twinge of fear creep up into my heart.....worry had a grip on my mind and I was finding it hard to focus on the task at hand. All I kept thinking about was her decision to NOT serve, to NOT minister, to NOT meet a very obvious need.....knowing she had the ability to easily bring joy and comfort to hurting and lonely hearts.....it was like I was catching a glimpse of things to "possibly" come....and it was something that I felt very incapable of dealing with. It literally broke my heart.
But as my other two children (and my cute little nephew) got up and sang songs, quoted Scripture, and flashed sweet smiles, my heart, and eyes, kept focusing on my eldest sitting off to the side, knowing she was pondering things in her heart and mind....praying that she was allowing the Lord to speak to her....praying that He would speak to ME, too!
As the children finished up and we took our seats in the back....and as the preacher pounded through his message about the love described in John 3:16....my teary-eyed, broken, beautiful daughter made her way out of the corner and came and crawled onto my lap. As she tried to get the words, "mommy, I'm sorry...." out, I just hugged her and gently rocked her. It had been a long time since she had assumed the position as 'my little baby'......it was the most amazing feeling, to have her back into my arms again, safe and secure.....it felt like I had been holding my breath for the past 30 minutes and I was finally able to exhale.
As the afternoon went on and I watched her make her rounds from one elderly person to another, giving hugs and sweet smiles, I mostly felt a sense of peace and contentment....but way back in the deepest parts of my mind and in the less explored places of my heart, I also felt a sense of worry and fear.....that this may not be the last time I see that side of my daughter, or any of my children for that matter. That despite all the time and effort to surround them with love, safety, security, sound doctrine and examples of God's grace and mercy, that in the end, they have a will of their own and their own personal battles against the flesh....battles I can't fight for them, as much as I wish I could.
For the most part, my eldest seems to be back to herself again.....just today, I saw her generously share her gum with her sister....and she even spent her whole 30 minute break from school work playing with Dylan (the cute nephew!), even though I know she wanted to get in on the Wii games that were being played by her siblings. It made my heart proud, and I told her so. And I'm not sure if the worrisome fear I experienced on Sunday will ever completely go away, but I know that it is not for me to dwell on....and that I am to focus on the very pressing, continuing, sometimes exhausting, yet always rewarding task at hand.....to raise my children in the ways of the Lord, to build a solid foundation of love, mixed with grace and mercy, lots of Scripture and even more prayer, and to truly trust that the Lord is in complete control of it ALL!
Over the past couple of months, my family and I have been going to a nursing home on an occasional Sunday to help out with a church service. My kids have had the opportunity to minister through music, Scripture and even something as simple as a hug. It's been a neat thing for us to do as a family. Well, this past Sunday, my oldest child (she is 8) said she didn't want to go. At first I tried to ignore her and hurried her into the van....but then as we traveled to the nursing home, I started to realize, she REALLY didn't want to do it....she was pouting because her lazy Sunday afternoon of tv watching had been interrupted and she had to go with us. My first instinct was to tell her to suck it up, put a smile on her face and start singing! That's pretty much the way I deal with every other piece of rebellion I face. But I decided to hold my tongue for a moment and get my thoughts together. So after a few minutes of quiet, I told her she didn't have to participate....she could find a seat over in the corner and just sit and wait for us to finish. And to that option, she simply said, "ok". That tiny response both angered me and devestated me.....I was angry because she was being defiant (to a point), and it devestated me because it was the first time really, that she had ever been so openly selfish. Of course, she has had her moments of self-centeredness......when she didn't want to share her latest candy score, or the "stage" she went through where she kept all her Littlest Pet Shop characters in a ziploc bag in her sock drawer because she didn't want her siblings to play with them......but really, overall, she is a pretty generous kid and has a fairly giving attitude. But not on that Sunday.....she had made a definite decision that it was all about her that day and she was not interested in hearing a sermon on ministering to those in need. So, we decided she would sit off to the side, be an observer and then we would all go home afterwards. As we walked into the home and I quietly chose a chair for her to slip into, I couldn't help but feel a twinge of fear creep up into my heart.....worry had a grip on my mind and I was finding it hard to focus on the task at hand. All I kept thinking about was her decision to NOT serve, to NOT minister, to NOT meet a very obvious need.....knowing she had the ability to easily bring joy and comfort to hurting and lonely hearts.....it was like I was catching a glimpse of things to "possibly" come....and it was something that I felt very incapable of dealing with. It literally broke my heart.
But as my other two children (and my cute little nephew) got up and sang songs, quoted Scripture, and flashed sweet smiles, my heart, and eyes, kept focusing on my eldest sitting off to the side, knowing she was pondering things in her heart and mind....praying that she was allowing the Lord to speak to her....praying that He would speak to ME, too!
As the children finished up and we took our seats in the back....and as the preacher pounded through his message about the love described in John 3:16....my teary-eyed, broken, beautiful daughter made her way out of the corner and came and crawled onto my lap. As she tried to get the words, "mommy, I'm sorry...." out, I just hugged her and gently rocked her. It had been a long time since she had assumed the position as 'my little baby'......it was the most amazing feeling, to have her back into my arms again, safe and secure.....it felt like I had been holding my breath for the past 30 minutes and I was finally able to exhale.
As the afternoon went on and I watched her make her rounds from one elderly person to another, giving hugs and sweet smiles, I mostly felt a sense of peace and contentment....but way back in the deepest parts of my mind and in the less explored places of my heart, I also felt a sense of worry and fear.....that this may not be the last time I see that side of my daughter, or any of my children for that matter. That despite all the time and effort to surround them with love, safety, security, sound doctrine and examples of God's grace and mercy, that in the end, they have a will of their own and their own personal battles against the flesh....battles I can't fight for them, as much as I wish I could.
For the most part, my eldest seems to be back to herself again.....just today, I saw her generously share her gum with her sister....and she even spent her whole 30 minute break from school work playing with Dylan (the cute nephew!), even though I know she wanted to get in on the Wii games that were being played by her siblings. It made my heart proud, and I told her so. And I'm not sure if the worrisome fear I experienced on Sunday will ever completely go away, but I know that it is not for me to dwell on....and that I am to focus on the very pressing, continuing, sometimes exhausting, yet always rewarding task at hand.....to raise my children in the ways of the Lord, to build a solid foundation of love, mixed with grace and mercy, lots of Scripture and even more prayer, and to truly trust that the Lord is in complete control of it ALL!
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Answer to prayer
That's what I was yesterday.....an answer to prayer. It doesn't happen often....in fact, I can't remember ever really hearing those words before...."Christy, you are an answer to prayer!". It was kind of fun.
It all happened because I simply bent down and picked up a wallet as I left the gym. I barely saw it out of the corner of my eye and had I been anymore lost in my thoughts, I may have missed it altogether. So when I picked up that wallet, rifled through it and saw it belonged to an acquaintance of mine, I figured I would at the most, make her day. But when I called and let her know about my discovery, her reaction was more than I imagined it would be....and then when she uttered those unfamiliar words, I was caught off guard. I know it really wasn't a big deal and being an answer to prayer probably isn't a big deal to most people.....but I think it's because I've been so discouraged lately....those words hit me a different way. They were an encouragement in a very tender way....not because they came from her mouth, but because God saw fit to let me fill that role at the most appropriate time.....I had no idea I even needed the encouragement, but He did....and orchestrated it all out for me. I love it when God does it like that!
Who knows when that will happen again, IF it will ever happen again, but I am thankful for the sweet encouragement, sent from the Lord, in the most unexpected way.....in some ways, THAT was an answer to MY prayer!
It all happened because I simply bent down and picked up a wallet as I left the gym. I barely saw it out of the corner of my eye and had I been anymore lost in my thoughts, I may have missed it altogether. So when I picked up that wallet, rifled through it and saw it belonged to an acquaintance of mine, I figured I would at the most, make her day. But when I called and let her know about my discovery, her reaction was more than I imagined it would be....and then when she uttered those unfamiliar words, I was caught off guard. I know it really wasn't a big deal and being an answer to prayer probably isn't a big deal to most people.....but I think it's because I've been so discouraged lately....those words hit me a different way. They were an encouragement in a very tender way....not because they came from her mouth, but because God saw fit to let me fill that role at the most appropriate time.....I had no idea I even needed the encouragement, but He did....and orchestrated it all out for me. I love it when God does it like that!
Who knows when that will happen again, IF it will ever happen again, but I am thankful for the sweet encouragement, sent from the Lord, in the most unexpected way.....in some ways, THAT was an answer to MY prayer!
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