Day 5....end of week one :)

Well, the first week of camp is over (minus a breakfast in the am). Overall, it has been a great week....God is so faithful and good....He uses us in spite of ourselves. I'm amazed at how much work is accomplished through such broken vessels.....it's very humbling to be a part of it all.

It is so neat to see the sweet relationships that are made during a week's time. When the kids first attended chapel on Monday night, there was a slight hesitancy, a slowness to get involved....but tonight, standing in the back of the chapel and watching almost ALL the kids cram on stage for the rowdy songs and wrap arms around each other during the slower songs, I could see the depths of the fellowship they now shared. My prayer is that these kids have felt loved this week....that they have found a place where they feel safe....that they, as a result of being here, will desire the things of the Lord more. My prayer also is that the staff got a taste of truly serving the Lord, putting aside "self", and seeing the fruits of their labor. What a privilege to be a part of this ministry....to be able to teach the Word daily and to often see the results of that teaching. And to do it ALL while playing big ball volleyball, riding go-carts, eating sno-cones and making crafts......I love my job!
Thank you Lord for working out and showing me the plan for my life that led me to this place...I am truly blessed!

Day 4 of camp

Well, it's after midnight and I can barely keep my eyes open, but I wanted to at least give you a little taste of my day....
actually, it was pretty rough....it seemed that everywhere I turned, someone was giving me an attitude or snapping at me.....I was getting pretty "done" with it, just trying to hang on til the end of the day so I could just sleep it off and begin again.
The day was almost over, we were all at the campfire and the testimonies had just begun. I always enjoy this time of the week, if I can move past the tiredness. About 4 campers in to testimony time, a little girl got up and gave a very brief, but convicting statement. She simply said, "I am so thankful for Broken Arrow Bible Ranch....the only time I hear about God is when I'm at VBS and here." As she made her way back to her seat, I was struck by the reality of her words.....for several of the campers that come here, we are the only "Jesus" they see....very possibly only 1 or 2 times a year do they get the opportunity to sit under spiritual teaching and study the Word. In some ways that puts a great deal of pressure on me, but on the other hand, it brings great joy at the privilege we have here, to share the Word, teach the Truth and just love on these kids. It really puts all the "petty" stuff in perspective and brings to the forefront the true meaning as to why we are here. I am humbled and blessed to be a part of it.
Thank you Lord, for working in my life to bring me here, to this work, among these people....help me to never take it for granted, but to daily appreciate the opportunities you have given me.

Day 3 of camp

Still plowing through the first week. For many it is filled with "firsts"....first cabin clean up, first water fight, first night of Mission Impossible, etc....there seems to be lots of joy and anticipation in the "firsts". Makes for a fun week of camp :) If only that air of "firsts" could stay all summer....if only the enthusiasm could remain til the end. But unfortunately, the fatigue will set in, the tiredness will come, and everyones patience will wear thin....our faces will look more weary, our steps will be heavier and our smiles will be more forced....it's just the nature of this kind of job. The new will be replaced with the mundane. So, for now, I'm going to enjoy the excitement of the first week...praying it will last a little longer. I am thankful that even though we can easily grow weary of 'doing good', the Lord's faithfulness is new every morning! That should give us all reason to rejoice in our ministries. Please pray that I will seek the "newness" of God with each new day.....onward!!!

Day 2 of camp

Well, there were only 85 kids signed up to come to camp this week, but we ended up with 115...praise the Lord! That's just more opportunities to share the Word and the love of God. There is an excitement in the air, both from the staff and the campers....everyone seems geared up for a great week of camp. Although the temperatures are at record highs, it hasn't seemed to damper the mood here....everyon is just pushing through the heat and making the best of it. Praise the Lord for new (and much bigger) swamp coolers in our chapel.....it has made a HUGE difference!
My little Hannah is among the campers this week....wow, my kids are growing up! She absolutely LOVES camp and would go every week if I let her.
We have a great workteam this week...very entergetic and lively....eager to work....that makes my job so much easier. They are from Tulsa, OK and several have been here before....again, makes my job easier :)
Although yesterday was the first day of camp, today is the first full schedule day and still a learning process for our staff....many will be lost and several will be tired already....pray as we work out the 'kinks'. Today is extremely busy for me as well....I have to squeeze a whirlwind trip to town in there sometime to get the pictures developed...it works if everything goes smoothly....one "obstacle" during that trip and things will get messy if I"m not back in time....praying for smooth sailing!! :)
Pray for us....pray for our staff, pray for the campers, pray for me.....it takes much work running a camp this size. But thankfully, God is the one that is ultimately in control!

Camp Begins

I'm going to ignore the fact that this is the first time I've blogged in 6 months and just "start" again ;)
Today is an eventful day for me.....first of all, it's my anniversay.....13 years of marriage....wow, doesn't seem like it's been that long! Secondly, it's Peter and Hannah's birthday....it wasn't planned that way, but 4 years after we said "I do", we were saying "oh my!" as Peter and Hannah came into the world. My life has been a whirlwind ever since!
But the event that is taking up most of my time today is that it's the first day of camp. We have been preparing for this day for several weeks now. We've been making repairs and improvements all over the camp, we have made menus and ordered truckloads of food, we have recruited a great staff, spent the last week training them and preparing them for ministry.....and now the day has arrived!
In less than 5 hours this once 'quiet' camp will be over-run with more than 100 campers, all eager to have fun, ride horses, shoot rifles, eat lots of candy, ride go-carts and play lots of basketball.....but hopefully, they will also be eager to hear the Word of God, sing songs of praise and worship, and possibly make decisions that will change their lives. We are excited to see all that the Lord is going to do over the next 5 days....please be in prayer for the ministry here. It's the perfect setting for God to do an amazing work among these Native American youth.

I HOPE to keep an ongoing update here....I failed at that goal last year, but hopefully will do much better this time :)

I am not at home right now.....I'm 'away', getting some much needed rest. It's been good and to be honest, I've been able to come close to REALLY relaxing (something I am not usually very good at)....I haven't really thought much about home and all that is waiting there for me as far as ministry, and that has really added to my 'rest'. It's been good.

But tonight I could think of nothing but home....in fact, I thought about it in a way that almost brought me to tears.

I was sitting in the middle of a youth group...one that I am somewhat familiar with....surrounded by people who I have even spent time in ministry with.....listening to great worship music.....sat under great teaching.....yet I found my mind wandering 950 miles away, to a much different place. It made me think of home....my tiny little reservation town. And what brought that place to mind was not very 'normal'. It was actually the youth group 'announcements'. They started out their youth meeting with a list of announcements....nothing fancy, pretty normal.....for here. But for the dusty little town that I live in, it was a far cry from normal. As the youth pastor announced Senior High meetings, lunches, Discipleship groups, etc, I was thinking about the 'youth' ministries I am involved in. There are no announcements there....because there are no meetings, discipleship groups, or even lunches.....there is nothing but our tiny little group that meets once a week.

Then I started looking around. All the kids wore warm clothes......most had nice Bibles with cute little notebooks.....many were carrying Starbucks cups full of nice, warm, coffee flavored liquids.....all were laughing and enjoying each other. I looked at the many, MANY leaders in the group....it seemed like there was one leader for every couple of youth! Back home, there are many nights where the kids come with no coats, even though the temp is way below freezing....none of them bring Bibles.....there are no Starbuck cups, in fact, many have not eaten since their school lunch, which is why we serve them some type of dinner......there is some laughter, but most of it is a cover up for the struggles and hurts they just left at their house....and we are definitely short staffed....not near enough hands to do the work, much less spend the one on one time with the kids.

Even the music and teaching was different....it was great and I loved it.....but it still reminded me of what we "don't" have back home. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about what we don't have....and I'm definitely not bitter about those who have more. But it did burden my heart for the people in the southwest, and the obstacles they have to overcome to even get to a place of being able to worship. Sometimes it's the cold, sometimes it's hunger, sometimes it's the lack of the Word, sometimes it's even the lack of good teaching. And as the youth pastor spoke on 1 Peter 1:10-16, another thing they 'lacked' came to mind.

Hope.

As he spoke of putting our hope into the things that are to come, I personally felt encouraged for my own spiritual walk, but it wasn't long that a weariness set in.....it was the weariness of trying to preach 'hope' to a people that have very little hope.....both in this world or the world to come. I have found it very difficult to teach about the hope that is to come, when they can't even grasp the concept of hope at all. Many have nothing to look forward.....it becomes quite the task to tell them and bring them to a place of rest in an eternal hope. Every home represented at our youth meeting (minus the few staff kids that come) are in some kind of turmoil.....whether it's some kind of abuse, or it's loss of a job, or alcoholism with one or both parents, or a severe medical problem....all of our families are in crisis of some kind. So as I sat there under this great teaching, and even though I was able to grow and find encouragement for my own heart, I suddenly became very weary again.....almost forgetting I was on 'vacation'. My heart was heavy for the people I had left back home.....and it still is now. My head hurts from the strain of holding back the tears.

Yet I'm reminded of a verse....."do not grow weary in doing good".....a command, yet a comfort at the same time. I know those words can mean different things to different people, but within those words I hear, "don't allow yourself to be so heavy hearted that you can't continue in the work I have laid before you"....."don't allow ANYTHING to cause you to lose sight of the vision I have for my people"......"don't take on all the hardships yourself....give them to Me.....I can handle them......not only handle them, but I can turn mourning into dancing, weeping into joy".

I don't know if I'll ever stop feeling the burden of the people I serve and minister to, and I may never be able to think about their struggles without tearing up.....but I know that I can, and must, continue to 'do good' among them. And I must do it with confidence that my Lord walks beside me all the way....always willing and desiring to share the load with me. I look forward to many more years of "not growing weary in doing good" in my little dusty, reservation town :)

Well, I've given it some thought, and I think I have come up with my goals for this year. Like I said earlier, I feel completely overwhelmed with my family, my ministry, my commitments and my life in general....I don't feel like this year I can "add" things to it....things I would like to accomplish.....such as, learn how to play the guitar, read lots of books, pursue my photography, get my master's degree, lose lots of weight, etc. Those are things I would love to put time and effort into, but I don't feel this is the time for me.....and that is hard, because I LOVE the new year, making lists and setting new goals. But the Lord just doesn't have me in a place where I can do that right now. And I've learned to be ok with it....mostly.
But what I have decided to do is work on some things that I am already doing.....improving what I am already busy with. I dont' feel like that will take as much time from my busy schedule and yet I can still be working towards 'something'. We'll see how that works.....

For starters, I am not going to be able to spend as much time on my weight, but I do want to continue to improve my eating habits and live a healthy life. I get so discouraged if I don't meet my 'goals' in this area, that I am not setting specific ones, but just seeking to please the Lord with my choices. And to regulate my pain that so often hinders me. I find that the more I exercise, the better I feel. And although I don't always have the time to spend in that area, I need to make it a little more of a priority....I need to feel better so I can make this year more productive and effective.

Next, I want to improve my prayer life.....I want to be sincere when I say "I will pray for you". I used to be so faithful in keeping a prayer journal, but now I only do it when I go to prayer meetings or hear the requests at church...but I want to be faithful in the little things too, outside of the formal settings. And I want to pray for my kids more too....not just the day to day stuff, but for their future. Sometimes it overwhelms me to think too far ahead, but I need to do it more often and more diligently.

And along the same lines, I want to be more committed to doing my quiet times....so I have made one specific goal there....I will not miss a day in 2010. I struggled whether to make that goal or not...just not sure if I could accomplish it....but after much prayer and some insight from a friend, decided to do it, commit to it whole-heartedly. I am looking forward to it already.

Next, there are several relationships I need to work on this year. It seems like my whole life and ministry center around relationships....and it's not a big secret that I am not very good at them (why the Lord put me in full-time ministry still amazes me sometimes). But since I am already chin deep in them, I might as well make them as profitable (for everyone involved) as possible. There are a few relationships in my family that need attention, as well as those I minister to often. Then there are the friends that I so often overlook. So this year I am just seeking to improve what I already have and as far as the new ones that emerge this year, I want to start them off right, with less hesitation. That one make take more than a year to accomplish, but I might as well start now.

And speaking of my ministry, that needs a little polishing up as well. I do tend to get overwhelmed in at times....if not for the sheer size of it, but the heaviness of it. There is much pain and struggle where I work....every family that I am involved with has some kind of struggle in it....and not what is normal to many of us.....it's deep, harsh, dangerous, and heavy. There is the threat of homelessness and starvation with some....there is much, much abuse out here.....infidelity is huge, along with alcoholism and drugs......there is the native religion that pulls at them and along with that the huge walls that we have to break through to reach them with the Gospel. Hopefully, with the improvement in my prayer life and time with the Lord, this area will improve as well. I need to daily remember that He will not give me more than I can handle...and with every trial He will give me the strength that I need and the wisdom I need to give to others.

So there it is...my list for the year....it's not near as fun or dynamic as years past, but it is where I am these days....and I am confident that this is where the Lord has me and that these are the goals He has set before me for the upcoming year.
I am praying (already working on goal number 2!) that the Lord will honor my efforts and my desires to make these improvements. We shall see.........