I couldn't sleep last night......
I have so much on my heart and mind that I just could not find the 'peace' to fall asleep. It made for a very long, hard night.....and by morning, I was struggling to be the cheerful "everybody wake up, it's a brand new day" kind of mom that I usually try to be. So my hubby graciously offered to take the kids to gymnastics and the library for me (our usual Wed schedule). He told me to get some sleep, if I needed it. But as I have the house to myself and some soft Jim Brickman playing through the speakers in the house, I feel like if I get things accomplished, it will actually make me feel more rested (mentally, at least).....the sleep will come later...I'll get caught up.

So my first task this morning was not a pleasant one....but it had to be done.

Last night, I was driving home and saw 2 ladies on the side of the road, trying to get a ride. Now don't get me wrong....I hardly ever give rides to people, but since it was 2 older ladies and I didn't have my kids with me, I decided to do it. As I stopped, a man came out of the store and joined them. Turns out it was one of their sons and he needed a ride too. They were all VERY drunk (not unusual out here) but I decided to go ahead....they were too drunk to do anything anyways. They were very grateful for the ride and kept going on and on about how appreciative they were....in their very slurred speech.
One thing that really stuck out to me was the terrible odor that was coming from them. Apparently, one of them had gone to the bathroom in their pants and the stench almost made me gag. It was the longest 5 miles I've ever driven.
When I dropped them off and started heading home, I realized the smell was still there. I rode home with my windows down the last mile home, in hopes it would help. It didn't. I got home and immediately sprayed some lysol on the seats to try and at least cover it up. When I went out an hour later to get something out of the van, the smell was still there.....on closer inspection, all THREE of them must have messed their pants because there were 3 stains where they had once sat....I was not happy.
So I set about trying to clean it....I used some laundry stain remover....used some carpet cleaner....and LOTS of lysol. When I went out this morning, it was still over powering! So now, with a quiet house to enjoy for a couple of hours, I have spent a great deal of it out there scrubbing (using laundry detergent this time and a scrub brush....and febreeze!!). I noticed as I scrubbed, my bowl of water with the detergent in it was getting nasty.....I changed it several times....this was a gross job. And it reminded me.....

...sin is not pretty. Sin is gross. And it always leaves traces of itself on everything it touches. And sometimes we will be able to remove those traces of it....of course in God's eyes, when we confess our sins, He faithfully forgives and makes us clean. But in our lives, we still may have those traces, the slight scent of sin that lingers....for days....months....even years. Sin is not pretty......it's gross.

This 'clean up' job is a reminder that my sin affects not just me, but other people.....it can leave behind a foul smell. When I get angry at my children, that bitter taste of the words linger.....when I allow discouragement to run rampant, the unpleasant smell can just cling to me and follow me around for days.....when I forsake my time with the Lord, then everything I set my hands and mind to do that day can be tainted with pride, judgemental attitudes, selfishness, etc. My sin affects those around me.

As I have spent time in my van this morning, scrubbing out the stains and the smell, I have been trying to pray for those 3 'smelly' people that rode in my van for just a short time. They shared their hearts with me, they shared their pain, they shared their loss.....they begged me to remember them in my prayers.....I promised I would do that. And I am, as I try and restore my van to it's original condition....I pray that they will not leave the 'stench' of sin in anyone else's life....that someday, their lives will turn into a beautiful offering to God....a fragrant offering to the Savior. I pray the same for my life....that today, in all its peace and quiet (except for good ole Jim Brickman in the background) that my life will be a sweet smelling offering to the Lord.

Pray for Judy, Joanne, and Ernest today.....
and for all the other hurting Native people who live within just a couple miles of me.....the hurt is great, the pain is deep and the loss is unmeasurable.