Recently my girls and I flew home (GA) to visit family. It was their first time flying and it was my first time flying with someone in a long time....usually I fly alone. So when the stewardess did the 'safety' demonstration, it set differently with me. Usually my eyes kinda glaze over and I don't really listen...I've heard it so many times. But this time, I thought about it differently...it wasnt' just 'me' this time.
When she got to the part about the oxygen mask, something struck me differently there as well. I know most of you have flown and heard it many times....she said, "put your own mask on first, before helping someone with theirs". I know I have heard that before, but when I'm sitting there next to my little girls, it became a little more real to me as I briefly imagined really having to do that. If I were really in a crisis like that, would I be able to stop and put mine on first? I know my "mother" instinct would kick in and I would want to make sure they had theirs on....it's the natural way. But in reality, it would probably lead to failure. I would truly need to take care of myself first before I could attend to them.
Now, I'm not saying I am this selfless, righteous person....no way! On a daily basis I am selfish, even with my own family....which is a shame to admit. But when it came to life or death, I think I would be able to, without a second thought, sacrifice for them.
Then why don't I do it as a first thought in the home? Why do I daily put my own needs above the needs of others? Just tonight my son asked if I would come tuck him in...my response, although said lovingly, was, "not tonight, Mommy has a headache". Now it wasn't a life or death situation, but it was something that was still important to him....just not important enough to me. I can be a pretty pathetic parent sometimes!
But aside from that conviction, I realized something else on the plane that day.....about my ministries....that is contrary to what I want to do. I need to make sure that I am "ok" spiritually before I can get out there and help others in that area. And again, not to say that I am a selfless person....I'm not! But when it comes to ministry opportunities, I tend to just jump in and do it, regardless of where I am that day spiritually. I often jump in and try to deal with it in my own strength instead of seeking His.....and that only leads to spiritual and physical fatigue....which is where I am today.
I am extremely proud (another one of my charming characteristics!) and I hate to even write that here (glad I have a small following on this blog!)...but spiritually and physically exhausted is where I am right now. And I've decided I dont' like it! I'm wasting so much energy daily trying to get myself going and motivated and in a forward motion, that I think I am failing others because of it. I have a feeling that is why several areas of my life are starting to show the stress and strain that comes as a result of that fatigue.
Although in many ways things seem to be thriving (my Bible studies, my one-on-one times with ladies, my own expansion of knowledge of the Word, etc)....I feel myself slowly sinking. I have GOT to put my own oxygen mask on first before I can truly deal with the needs of others. How wise that little stewardess is!
So I am going to take some time for myself. And although I can't physically leave here and go be by myself somewhere and deal with it, I am going to try and take some 'small' breaks and get some things dealt with. I think then, I will be better equipped to help others with their masks.
2 comments:
I always love reading your posts. So glad you are back today to write. Praying for ya because I am with ya where you are. If only we could "retreat" together........
good post, I'm glad I'm enjoying some time catching up on some good blogging! I'm feeling inspired to get some oxygen to start my day tomorrow :)
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