I know....you're shocked to see movement here on my blog. Actually, I don't even know if anyone checks here anymore since it's been over TWO months since I've posted anything. I should have announced that I was going to be out of town for 7 weeks and wouldn't be here much....or not at all. There's no way I can catch you up on the past 2 months so I will just have to start fresh....assuring you that during my time away the Lord has continued to be faithful, good and true to me and my family. We absolutely love our new life here in New Mexico and I am so glad to be home after such a long road trip.....home sweet home.
We are busy here at the camp with retreats and conferences....it's a neat part of the year. And we, as a family are trying to get our home ready for the Christmas season. I am much later this year than usual, but better late than never!
Right now there is a group here from CA....they come every year with TRUCKS full of supplies to give out to the Native pastors in the area. It's a sight to see! Some of the pastors came in tonight....more will come tomorrow. And they will load up their cars and trucks with all the wonderful things the group from CA brought.....blankets, food, food, and more food.....wrapping paper, and many more 'goodies'. The pastors will take them back to their churches and pass them out to those in need. What a sweet ministry! I had the pleasure of doing dishes after we fed the 100+ people and as I was scraping mashed potatoes off the plates, I could hear the sweet sound of singing coming from the area around the fireplace in the lodge......the pastors and their families had gathered together and were singing....sometimes in English, sometimes in Navajo.....it was beautiful. This was true worship.....the heart of those whose lives are committed to reaching the lost with the Gospel. True worship.....it touched my own heart.
I wrote (many months ago) about being feeling like I was in a spiritual drought.....tonight was like a light spring rain on my face....refreshing, sweet......as I stood, elbow deep in gravy and mashed potatoes, I worshiped. Surrounded by people, yet alone with God.....it was much needed. And although I realize that was probably not the end of my dry season, I see the end in sight.
There have been circumstances in my life recently (some out of my control, some very much in my control) that have caused great weariness....and in that weariness there has been what seems like a quietness coming from the Lord.....does that make sense? I don't at all believe that He has left me or forsaken me, but I just haven't really felt like I've heard from Him in a confirming way on how to handle things. That has made it very much feel like a drought. And although I still walk through my day and I still am making progress in my ministry, there has been a lonliness that has accompanied each day.
A friend recently sent me a magazine.....I assumed it would take several days before I could even pick it up, but today, when my house started getting busy (both the girls and peter each had a friend over) I decided to try something new. I grabbed my new magazine and headed to the bathtub (i'm a shower kind of girl!). I needed some quiet time.....so badly, that I didn't even let the black widow I found in the bathtub deter me (my hubby came and took care of it for me!! )! I read something in that magazine that just clicked.....
"So, the quickest way to solve the problem of earthly trouble and need is to be about the Father's business. Weep and mourn only for those things that rend the heart of your Father in Heaven and grieve His Holy Spirit. Labor and long only for those things which have eternal value".
Now that concept isn't so profound in itself, but it just struck a chord in me.....
am I grieving these circumstances because of how they effect me, or how they effect my Father in Heaven? I'm ashamed of my answer.....
Now that in itself doesn't solve my struggle with God's silence right now, but it does help me to put things in perspective and to organize things in my mind (i'm very much an 'organizer'!). There are things I can't deal with now (because they are completely out of my control), yet they still consume a portion of my thoughts.....but I need to change my emotion toward them. I need to stop focusing on how they effect me and hurt me, and instead see it through the eyes of God. (This probably only makes sense to me! I'm just writing/thinking out loud!). And then there are the things that I do have some control over.....I need to again change my perspective and see if/how my reaction to those things grieve Him. That is a much harder one.....
Then I need to labor (work toward, put effort forth) in these areas....ugh!...growth is hard and it hurts!! :)
So, as I kept reading in this magazine, I came across this paragraph.....
"If we find ourselves bored with, or uninterested in the Scriptures, the problem lies with us, not with the Word. If we're not hungry for the Word, our spiritual diet is messed up, and is in need of a cleansing. It's like we've just stuffed ourselves with things that, good or bad, just can't measure up to the nutritionally sustaining Word. At that point, our hearts and lives have gotten just too busy processing and thinking about life's activities, the books and movies we consume, the conversations we had with friends, etc. We need to back off for a time, even of some of those good things, get quiet and get our hunger back for the Word of God, taking in the living, breathing breath of life so we can truly live".
I'm not saying that I am 'uninterested or bored' with the Scriptures these days...I still see them as sustaining, true, alive......if it hadn't been for my times with the Lord, i would be a total mess right now. But because of the lonliness that seems to hang over me these days, I have lost some of my enthusiasm about my Bible times. That is a new thing for me.....
but the thing that stuck out to me the most was the last part of that paragraph......about backing off for a time and getting quiet before the Lord. And although I felt like I have done that at times, it was probably with a wrong perspective......expecting instant help and encouragement....not silence. But after reading and reflecting some today, I have a feeling that when I go back to the Word with this different perspective, I will realize that He hasn't been as quiet as I thought. We all know that He sometimes speaks in a whisper......I think the "loudness" of my hurt, my frustrations, my expectations have probably drowned out that whisper. I'm looking forward to taking some time for myself.....removing some distractions and focusing on Him and His heart concerning these circumstances.

Wow, that was a load, huh? Again, probably didn't make much sense to anyone but me.....I'm not always very good at spilling it, but I think every now and then it's good to just physically unload.

Regardless of our circumstances.....times of drought or times of refreshment.....times of joy or times of sorrow......lonliness or comfort.....He is still good. It's a simple word and a simple concept, yet it often gets lost in our selfishness. God is good, all the time.....all the time, God is good!