More old blogs from xanga......

here are a couple more old posts that I'm transferring over.....I really am almost done now....:)

(MAY 2007)

Make every effort

taken from Beautiful Offering.......just putting it out her in case anyone may need to hear it today

"Therefore if you are offering you gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift." (matt.5:23-24)

"Last week I was running errands like a wild woman, and just as I was about to hop out of the car at the post office, I turned on the radio long enough to hear a man quote from the book of Hebrews. He said: 'Make every effort to live in peace with all men' (12:14)
That was all I heard, turned it off, and kept plowing through my list.

A little while later, I was waiting at an intersection when a woman I have known for the past few years drove up beside me. Either she didn't see me or chose not to look at me, but either way, my seeing her was a poignant reminder. I had been in a freindship with her that didn't end so well. I never quite knew where she went or why.
It's amazing how God uses the powerful words of Scripture to stop us dead in our tracks and rearrange our thoughts. Just after I had spotted my withdrawn friend, my head began screaming, angela, you are not at peace with that woman and you have to do something about it. Make every effort, remember?
Not always so quick to obey the promptings of the Holy Spirit, I went to the grocery store and then to the bank, but God wouldn't leave me alone. I was pretty sure that He wanted me to call this woman I hadn't talked to in six months. My stomach hurt while I punched her number into my cell phone. Some days, obedience makes you feel nauseated.
She answered and the conversation went something like this:
'Hello.'
'Hey, this is Angela.' I tried to muster up some confidence.
'Oh,' she said. I knew immedieaately this wasn't going to be good, but I went for it anyway.
'I'm calling because I just saw you at an intersection about an hour ago, and I felt stupid. I'm calling to see if there is anything I can do to help things between us end differently or better. I don't want to feel stupid the rest of my life, so can we talk about what happened? Can we talk about what didn't happen? Could I say anything or listen in a way that would help?'
'I didn't see you at the intersection,' she offered with little emotion.
'That is ok. I just want things to be different between us. I want us to be at peace.'
'Well, I'm on my way to my son's football game. I didn't see that it was you when I answered the phone. I thought it was someone else.'
'Sounds like I caught you at a bad time.' I said, feeling triple stupid.
'yeah, gotta go'.
'Ok, bye.'
click. No good-bye. No 'i'll call you back'. No hope that this will ever be staightened out. I could have just about run to the bathroom and lost it. I felt more sick than before I called. And I wasn't too happy with God either.
I mean, I have enough stress. Grayson has an Indian project due with modeling clay and I am not crafty. I have to figure out how to send my taxes to the federal government next month. The hall upstairs needs painting. Every kid in this house needs winter uniforms for school. I haven't spent enough time with the friends that I love! Good night! There is enough pressure and guilt in my life to last me decades. I did not need to hear the disheartening voice of a woman who is cold toward me. It ruined my day. What was God doing? ANd what was I thinking?
I was thinking about these verses. ANd I was thinking that if I could reconcile with that woman, that it would bless God.
SO what now God? Ok, i remember someone who had a grudge against me, and I went to her. It was obviously a bust. What do I do with the offering of my life if I have left it at the altar and gone to be reconciled, but she is unwilling? you know, I've tried with her before. I don't think she is coming around anytime soon. So do I just stand here biding my time, waiting for the offering of my life to be acceptable when she changes her heart? Tell me what to do with this verse. tell me where to go from here.
Maybe you can tell that i was a little miffed with the prompting to call an angry woman. I felt like screaming, 'I want my life to be a beautiful offering to You, but I don't know what to do with this!' I think I prayed. I probably whined.
But here is the lesson I believe God gave to me. There are 3 instructions for us in these verses:
First, acknowledge your sin to yourself and to God. When you and I remember that there is someone who has a grudge against us, it is our responsibility to own the part we play in the disagreement, misunderstanding or conflict.
Second, move toward the person. we can hide, cover, or run from our responsibility in relationships for the rest of our lives. But God is calling us, very specifically in these verses to move toward the one who is offended or hurt or misunderstood.
Third, go immediately. That means pretty soon. You know, right after it has come to your mind. Waiting 3 years is not immediately.

My daughter was in the car with me and had just had an encounter that was difficult. I said, 'Call that person right now and try to make it right.'
She said, 'I don't think I can.'
'I know it stinks, but one of the characteristics of a Christian is that we try to resolve quickly,' I offered.
'Did you just make that up?' she asked.
'Jesus made it up and said, As you go, look like this.'
'Sometimes this is hard,' she mumbled as she reached for her cell phone.
'Most of the time, this one is hard for Mom too'.

Days went by and I continued to reflect on my desire to live these verses with my grumpy friend. I decide that I had followed the instruction, even though reluctantly. We just didn't get to the reconciled part. And honestly, unless she comes to a softer place, there may never be reconciliation. I felt so stuck about what to do with my offering. Can I still bring it to God if we never reconcile?
Then I remembered the Hebrew passage on the radio that had initially prompted my call. The writer had said, 'Make every effort.' When I put these divine words from God together, then I get,
Make every effort to acknowledge your own sin.
Make every effort to move toward the injustice.
Make every effort to reconcile immediately.
That's all we can do. Make every effort to honor the words of Jesus. Check your own heart. Respond in obedience. ANd then REST (capitol and italics mine!). I can only be responsible for me, and you are only responsible for you.
A man I know wrote down the the three things he was most thankful for. After God and family, he said that he was thankful for a clear conscience. His gratefulness spoke to me. When you and I have made every effort in a relationship, then we are clear, the heart is pure, and the offering is acceptable."

Great comfort in shared pain (May 2007)

We are currently on deputation to raise support to get to the field on a full-time basis.....it has been a long, hard road at times, but the Lord has been so good to bring some amazing blessings along the way. I have met many wonderful people and have had the opportunity to see God work in some awesome ways......overall, it has been a good thing.

But one seemingly downfall is that it has hindered me having a 'regular' ministry at my church or in my community. Because we travel so much and are often gone from our home church, it hasn't been feesible for me to hold a position in the church.....that has been hard for me. As long as I can remember, I have done something in our church....taught Sunday school, been in the choir, worked in the youth group.....but that hasn't been the case the past couple of years. I miss it. I felt like if I wasn't doing something specific, then I wasn't ministering or doing the work of the Lord.

It seemed like a downfall to this deputation thing, but really it was one of the amazing blessings.

Because I haven't been focused on a specific ministry, I have slowly seen the other ministries that have been and are today surrounding me.......the ministry of hurting women. It's everywhere.....I can't imagine how I never really saw it before. But it didn't take long, after I was no longer focusing on any particular church ministries, that I began to see the many women around me who were in need of God's comfort, wisdom, forgiveness, healing...some needs were greater than others, but they were in need nonetheless.

I was recently talking about it to a dear friend in CA.....she already has an amazing ministry with women.....and the more I saw her working there, and the more she would share about what the Lord was doing in it, the more open I was becoming to the whole idea. Because in all honesty, working with little kids and youth seemed much easier and safer for me....that ministry didn't require a whole lot of transparency on my part....they mostly needed instruction and encouragement....that was an easy thing for me to do. But I was finding out that working with other women was much different....as much as I didn't want it to be, they needed more. They needed me to be open and transparent.....it's the way we are wired, I guess. They need a level of intimacy that children don't neccesarily need.....and that was hard for me at times.

But my CA friend has been such an encouragement and example to me in that area.....not at first though. When she would say it was one of the keys to the success of her ministry, I thought, 'maybe for you, but I don't think that is what I need to do'......:) My ministry seemed to be going just fine.....I was enjoying the counseling aspect of it and it seemed to be working for me. But eventually, the Lord started slowly working on me......putting those opportunities right in front of me, where I actually had to make a real decision to go a little deeper, on my part, with them. And it wasn't always about being open with my struggles or my hurts......that was hard at times, but I had come to a point where I could see the good in sharing what the Lord had brought me through and who He became to me in all of that. But for me, it was an issue of being open and exposed to who I really was....right now, today.....for some reason that was harder for me. It was easier to just get to know them, hear their heartaches and hurts.....but slowly, I began to see the importance in doing the same.....there is often greater comfort in shared pain. I am a firm believer in that now......I was a slow learner, but now a firm believer.

I have literally watched my CA friend minister.....I've sat under her teaching, I've listened to her speak to large groups of women, I've watched her meet ladies at the altar to pray.....we can be in a crowd of women and I've seen her seek out someone, begin to talk, laugh, and before long be holding them as they begin to cry, and eventually bow with them in prayer.....openly and in the most transparent way, she became available to them. It is my desire as well....and the Lord has honored that over the past few years......with obedience comes great blessings.

So I no longer worry that I am not 'officially' ministering in my local church.....I know that is a temporary thing and it won't be long before I am again surrounded by little ones in a tiny Sunday school classroom somewhere out in the deserts of New Mexico......I look forward to it. But I also look forward to continuing in this work that the Lord has so graciously and carefully placed before me. I do count it a great privilege to be a part of it.....it's one of the amazing blessings that He has given me......that He has promised me.