Hold them a little longer (March 2007)
This morning I attended my MOPs meeting. I really didn't want to go because my day was so full and I was really going to be rushed if I went....but I was on the schedule to speak so I needed to be there. I spoke on how to take better pictures and how to preserve memories. I was just going to sit through the first speaker, do my part and then head out. Well, I did that, but in all of it, I found such a blessing......the lady who spoke talked about cherishing the different stages our children go through and our time with them....about "holding them a little longer". It was a wonderful reminder of what an impact I am making on my children each day and how vital I am in the molding of their tiny lives......how my reactions to them, to their accomplishments and mistakes, and to their needs effect who they are.....am I really nurturing my children, meeting the needs that I can meet, am I teaching them all the things they need to know....not just out of books, but the things they need to know about life and about God and who He is. It was a good reminder of the important role God has given us as mothers.....a lot to think about! So, I am glad I went to the meeting this am.....glad the Lord slowed me down enough to hear a word from Him......even after that challenging topic, I was able to present my information on taking pictures without too much studdering! I even got some business out of the whole ordeal!
the Lord is good in ALL things!
Abby (a little over a year old).....black and white with hint of color added :)
I miss those chubby cheeks!
ALL things.....(March 2007)
I've had a lot on my mind lately....homeschool testing, speaking engagements, counseling opportunities, etc......but one thing that has been coming to the forefront of my mind often over the past week or so is something a little out of the ordinary....I've been thinking about the 'pain' of our Savior. I know, not the most relaxing, restful thoughts, but it keeps creeping into my thoughts throughout the day lately.....I'll explain.....My relationship with my dad was very strained growing up and under his authority, I experienced both physical and emotional pain. Now I am very quick (and blessed) to say that I have dealt with and moved past a lot of that pain and have even been able to be thankful for it and actually use it for my ministry. But it doesn't mean that I'm never reminded of it or that I don't revisit it every now and then....not to the point where it alters my daily life or reverses any progress I've made....but just enough to make me reflect on things.
Lately, I have been in contact with my dad more than the 2-3 times a year that normally exist in a calander year and as a result of our conversations, I have had to, in my own mind, revisit my childhood and some of the pain experienced there. It's not a place that anyone can really go with me, since by my own choice, I've choosen to keep most of those years to myself. So it may not be evident to anyone, even those closest to me, that I'm even struggling with it......that includes my dear, precious children. They have no idea of my past pain or how it pops up every now and then.....therefore, they have no hesitations with bringing their daily 'pains' and hurts and piling them on my lap. On a good day, I can take whatever they dish out and whatever stuggles and hurts they are having are no problem for me. I listen, hold them, give advice and answers, etc....I allow them to openly and with no guilt or difficulty dump their pains on me.....a part of my job that is sometimes draining, but always a blessing. And after they have come, dumped, and cried all over me, they just get up, wipe their eyes and return to their world of Barbies and Legos.....it's actually a remarkable process to witness! But lately, my 'pain' tolerance has been lower and I'm finding it more exhausting to give audience to the very daily tattlings and injustices that are occuring in their tiny lives....each time one of them comes and, without giving a second thought to what I'm doing at the moment, or much less what I'm feeling at the moment, decides to unload the most recent 'pain' inflicted upon them I become more and more overwhelmed.....all because of a few extra conversations with my dad.......sounds silly doesn't it? Sounds silly to actually write it! It's hard for me to actually acknowledge that my children's simple hurts and struggles are becoming too much for me right now.....but in this difficult and even embarrassing place, the Lord has reminded me of something much bigger than my own weaknesses and shortcomings.....I've been reminded of HIS strength and amazing endurance and pain tolerance. Not only did He experience the most brutal and agonizing physical pain here on earth, literally taking on the sins of the world, but He continues to daily invite us to bring our hurts and pains to Him, big or small......He welcomes them. He not only listens, comforts us, and imparts wisdom, but He goes a step further and actually takes our pain as His very own, promising to give us real relief and literal peace. What a comfort and what a relief, that I have a safe place to go and place MY pains on HIS lap.....allow Him to comfort and advise me about my 'tattlings and injustices'....He allows me to come, dump, and cry until I feel all better...then I get up and return to my own world.
I've been reminded, by my own exhaustion and low tolerance, to be evermore thankful for His strength and love for me.....I don't thank Him enough for the pain He endured for ME on the cross and the hurt I sometimes bring to Him, whether by choice, or by my own sin. Thank you Lord, for your 'perfectness' in all things......and for your promise to work "all" things (my pains, my past, my children's hurts, etc) for your good......
me
Me with my sister Lindy (left), Alison (right) and my dad (june 2005)
And then here are a few more things I found to be thankful for.....although today was a little tougher because of pure exhaustion!! :)
........sleeping in late (31)
.....being healthy and available to help a friend unload his Pepperidge Farm truck (32)
......and he showed his thankfulness by providing enough bread to last a month!! (33)
.....text messages that brought laughter in the middle of me being completely overwhelmed by boxes, showing God really desires me to laugh in the middle of 'busyness' (34)
.....unexpected help with writing invitations, exactly when i needed it (35)
......sitting on the front porch with family and friends on this incredibly beautiful day (36)
.....watching my youngest go around and water all the plants in the front yard (37)
.....and watching her wonder and amazement as she caught an ant on a blade of grass (38)
.....the opportunity to show patience (39)
.....phone call from hubby saying he is almost home!! (40)
....the fun of experimenting with a new kind of reeses candy with a friend...yum! (41)
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